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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Rix

What is Fear

What is fear?

Where does it come from?

What does it take to overcome fear?

FEAR ~ a tiny word that traps, limits, prevents, and immobilizes.

FEAR ~ False Evidence Appearing Real

Where does fear come from? Our minds. All of our past experiences. Our mind keeps a record, the history of our lives.

I remember going to the library when they had the card catalog system. Do you remember those? An elaborate paper filing system necessary to access any book in the library. Of course, now we have computers. What would happen if the record on the computer system wasn't kept up to date? Can you imagine trying to find a book today using a computer that's most current file was updated over 30 years ago?!?!

Our minds function in a very similar way.

Here's an example...

Do you enjoy going to the dentist? When I call to schedule a cleaning, my beautiful mind begins pulling out old memories from over 40 years ago. Every dentist visit. Every cavity. Every exaggerated version of pain. As if that weren't enough, my mind will also make up stories about possible future scenarios. The pain medicine will wear off too soon! Or... the pain medicine works too well and I lose the feeling in my face forever!

Do you ever experience what is lovingly referred to as "monkey mind"?

With all this going on in my mind, what are the odds of my visit going smoothly?

Our minds "job", if you will, is to protect us from perceived "danger". It functions like an outdated computer program reminding us of pain from the past and anticipating pain to come. It's rather limited in its reference material.

So where does fear come from?

Inside ourselves. From our own thoughts. Did you know that we can choose and direct our thoughts? That is pretty powerful stuff!

Our thoughts color our world. Circumstances simply are. They are the blank canvas. We choose to label them "good" or "bad". We choose to pain them with bright bold colors of love, happiness, joy and peace....or with blacks and grays of fear, dread, doubt and hopelessness. This is our perspective...and we are free to choose it.

I was recently touched by a young beautiful woman who courageously shared her story. "Susy's" story is told by many. Marital rape. Something many of us have also experienced. As I thought about her and the tears I saw in her eyes, I realized I wanted to share my perspective in hopes of offering hope and encouragement to "Susy" and others in a similar situation.

The common reaction to a story about marital rape, or any rape for that matter, is one of outrage and horror. A sense of loss so deep it is hard to express. This reaction stems from the perspective that there is a "victim" and a "violator". Before I share a different perspective on this, let's focus a moment on a few words.

When you read "victim" does that make you feel?

How about "rape"?

What about "abuse"?

I think we can agree that these words all make us feel smaller, fragile, unsafe and violated.

What about the word "freedom"?

How about "choice"?

What about "strong"? "Power"?

Would you agree that these words make you feel bigger, lighter, and more empowered?

I see "Susy" as an amazingly strong woman who is making choices to ensure the safety of both herself and her children. I see her as powerful. I see an extremely intelligent woman who is wisely choosing to act "normal" while she quietly waits. I see a beautiful savvy woman who is bravely getting her ducks in order, preparing for the day that she walks away from the life she now lives and into her bright and happy future as a free woman.

How does that perspective feel?

Is this perspective any less true?

How can we change the colors we pain our lives with?

How can we change our fearful thoughts?

We can choose a different perspective. One that feels better. One that empowers us and reminds of who we really are. We can overcome a lifetime of faulty programming by taking one step at a time.

I am going to help you with the first step.

These next words I am going to may not have thought for a very long time. That's okay. Let's think them today. I know these words are true of me and you.

Here's the first...


Say this with me...."I am WORTHY".

Let's take a few more steps.






Repeat as often as needed until you know this in the depth of your bones. Add to the list and encourage other women to see themselves in their truth. If this is the first time you have heard or uttered these words.....I understand. Maybe we didn't hear these things growing up, or maybe we forgot. The great thing is...we get to change things now.

The answer to the question....What overcomes fear? LOVE.

Profoundly simple...yet one of the most courageous things we could ever learn to do. Love ourselves.

Be brave. Embrace your truths. Love yourself and watch your world become magical.

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