When my marriage of 22 years ended in a bitter divorce, I was really scared to get back on the proverbial horse and open my heart to another.
I remember telling my lawyer that I would NEVER get remarried…and I meant it.
After focusing on healing for 5 years I thought I was finally ready to dip my toes back into the dating world and in no time at all, I was in a relationship that ended like a train wreck.
A couple more years of healing and being a hermit, and I once again allowed my heart to open to another. This time it ended in a bang within only a few months!
Feeling like a failure at relationships, I decided it was best to simply focus on me and my healing journey. I put all ideas of romance and love on the back burner and dove deep into seeking my own joy and happiness.
As I tuned back into me….I realized I was happy, peaceful and most content when I was alone. I decided that I would no longer lower my standards to accommodate another in my world. If someone wanted to be an important part of my life….they would need to bring as much peace, joy, fun and compassion to the table as I did.
I only ever want to feel at peace in my own skin regardless of whose presence I am in.
With this realization firmly in place, my creativity began to flow.
I was finding more ways to tune into the present moment and life was once again feeling magical.
I pursued things that made my heart smile….things like drawing sacred geometry, painting, creating videos, writing, playing with the sea, taking tree baths, laying in the sun watching the clouds float by, listening to the birds sing….my life simplified and I became completely fulfilled and content.
When we relax, we allow the universe to bring things to us instead of striving to control every aspect of our lives.
I was thoroughly enjoying life, following the breadcrumbs of my intuition and as if by magic my life began to change.
I manifested an experience in record breaking time.
I began meeting remarkable people who truly care about me.
Creative ideas began flowing easily.
When we are content with life and eager for what’s next…life becomes a wild adventure of wish fulfillment.
It can be hard to believe. It’s so different from what we’ve been told to expect from life. So different from what we ‘ve been taught to believe. Backwards of everything we’ve ever known.
I thought of myself as a failure at relationships. I thought I had wasted so much time and given my heart to all the wrong people….when in truth each relationship was a stepping stone out of the imprisonment of this false reality.
We’re taught to believe in the fairy tale, the happily ever after…and it does exist, I assure you.
However, in my experience, it was the journey of life that made the fairy tale come true.
Every day of the 22 years I was married I was creating my happily ever after relationship energetically.
Every time my heart was hurt caused me to desire someone who would always protect my heart.
Every time I was diminished by my husband's insecurities, it caused me to desire someone who would build me up and never tear me down.
Every time my husband put himself above and before me caused me to desire someone who would honor and respect me as an equal.
Every time my past partners would steal my energy, draining me and damaging my body…..caused me to desire someone who would protect my body as the sacred vessel of divine feminine energy that it is.
Someone who would join my energy and be energized alongside me.
Maybe, like me, you feel like a failure at relationships and wonder what’s wrong with you.
Well, I’ll tell you…. nothing.
Nothing is wrong with you my dear.
None of my relationships were a waste of time or a mistake…..and neither were yours.
I wasn’t a failure at relationships….and neither are you.
Each relationship helps us become masters of ourselves.
Each relationship helps us create, through desire, the partner of our dreams.
Our true happily ever after.
If, like me, you came here to experience “happily ever after”, you will, but ONLY after overcoming “miserable ever after”.
Just like the light warriors journey starts in the darkest places…the journey to enjoy unconditional love within the arms of your beloved begins in the restrictive arms of your abuser, your narcissist, your energy vampire, your karmic partner.
In the world of polarity that we live in, to know anything, we must first experience its opposite.
So….if you have been with an abusive partner, or like me….many,
take heart…you are on a sacred journey to reunite with your beloved. It will be the most beautiful experience…and it will happen in divine timing, just like you both planned before you began this earthly journey.
If you are scared to get back on the proverbial horse and open yourself once again to possible heart break…remember who you truly are…a spark of the divine having an experience exploring a world of polarity and endless possibilities.
Every moment of enduring what we don’t want only takes us that much closer to the life we do want.
There is a divine process.
There is perfection in the journey.
Stay the course and trust everything your heart desires is coming to you in divine timing.
Until next time be gentle with yourself and remember, you are so much more than you have allowed yourself to believe!